Do I even have the time? It's a question that I'd often ask myself. I thought I would immediately reclaim my time once our children were old enough to manage their schedules. Well, it did not work out that way. At least, not in the beginning. Once the kids were responsible for driving to work and practice, and I was not bound to taxi-mom duties, I thought I was invincible. I believed that I could do more stuff because I completed some stuff. So, like a kid with a dollar bill, my newfound freedom burned a hole in my pocket.
For context, I was primarily responsible for chauffeuring our kids to and from. When the kids were younger, my husband worked the third shift. The opposite hours had pros and cons, but we made it work. However, the opposing schedule left me spending much of my time in the minivan with the babies. We did everything from after-school activities, choir rehearsal, dance class, football, friends, and weeknight church service. You name it, we did it. So, when we reached the teenage and college milestones, I felt like I hit the lottery. No more breaking traffic laws to drop one off, pick one up, or yell at the stragglers because, despite my best efforts, one child was notoriously disorganized, late, and unbothered, and no more dinners in the car or homework on the go. More importantly, I could relax our tight, frantic schedule and calm down; that was my fantasy.
Unfortunately, I ended up trading one adrenaline rush for another. I couldn't wait to choose new activities that weren't kid-centric. As a result, I was handing out a "YES, I'LL DO IT" all willy-nilly. Eventually, I was part of committees, leading groups, hosting seminars, cooking, volunteering for more things at church, planning events for friends, and doing extra tasks at work. My undoing was entirely my own. Needless to say, I quickly found myself in a time curfuffle. What can I say? You live, and you learn. Fast forward a few years; I learned my lesson. The overzealous yes, the super willing yes, the excited yes, and the uninformed yes are heavily scrutinized in this season of my life. I've mastered managing my time with minimal exceptions. Here are some of my changes and the perspectives I've gained.
Curb my enthusiasm
I recall buying our "couples car" and ditching our mom van, arriving at the dealership, and realizing the endless opportunities to drive in something that didn't have eight seats. I was noticeably giddy at the dealership, so my husband had to tell me that I was attracting salespeople. He said my excitement made me a target. "You can't shop for a car that way." The moment taught me to shield my joy from one-sided opportunities. There is nothing wrong with being excited about something new. But just because I choose to be excited does not mean I need or want to be responsible. Before raising my hand, I had to weigh my commitment and appetite for more responsibility.
Details Always Matter
I did say that we have four kiddos, didn't I? Information sharing was not their strongest trait when they were younger. Now, as kiddults, they tend to overshare. Such is life. But kids tend to forget to share important information like who/what/when/where/why/how long. As my life changed, those details are equally important today as they were then. The answers to those questions significantly impact how many hours, energy, and brain cells I can devote to new activities.
Plan for inconviences
I know that I am the only thing I can control. However, menopause is changing my mind on that as well. But, for now, I can control myself. Knowing this, I assume everything else is outside of my immediate scope of responsibility. So, I'm mindful of things like traffic, long lines, lost keys, my own forgetfulness, weather, or UFO sightings. Anything can happen, so I do my best to plan accordingly and keep calm.
I'll share more time management lessons over the next few weeks, so I invite you to stick around. But if you can't, no worries. This is a pressure-free zone.
Does it get better?
Heck yeah! Managing your time without experiencing a major meltdown is possible, and yes, it gets better. It's necessary to recognize that better for you and better for me will look different, which is okay! Creating functional spaces is not about competition or comparison. It's about comfort, peace, and making room for joy. So, over the next few weeks, I'm pushing forward with this new series of posts focused on time management as self-care. So, I'll share some data, personal experience, tips, and magic. I'll also answer the question: Is there a way to get your kids to plan and prepare without you being the villain in their life story? Short answer: YES!! However, I have learned that the most memorable heroes exist because their villains inspired them to be great.
On that note, I'm out. By the time this reaches your inbox, I'll be in Arizona, being the most amazing MiMi to our adorable grandsons, affectionately called Jay and Bubba. Until we chat again, check out the forum and let me know about your time management struggles.
I hope you are intentionally choosing joy and allowing yourself to receive the grace to thrive.
Comments